laura[lora][lala] (deadguttergirl) wrote in michiganpoets,
laura[lora][lala]
deadguttergirl
michiganpoets

ancient

my core is belittled by your sadness,
i stand here knowing i feel like a zombie at times,
maybe i am a zombie,
who knows,i walk i talk fake,
i do not care to be real,
it would create problems,
i would have to explain why i am sad,
there is no reason,
thats how it is here inside,
no one knows this,
but i ask god every night to take me away,
so i will not have to do it on my own,
i do not want to be selfish,
so i live i live i live i live,
with out life,
this is not how its supposed to be,
you know my dads got enough pills to make me cease,
you know i think its alright,
i think even the gun and the bullet are my friend,
they been calling out for me so long,
i think its almost time,
to go to hell i do not care,
what could be worse then this?
to know im not ever going to fulfill my own happiness,
let alone my loves,
i will at least be enough to fill a place in hell,
god can just keep my loves safe there,
i will thank him before i go...





~bitter end of her second personality~


shes cradling her heart,
while it bleeds,
time to take back the tears,
what stood behind them,
this is nothing new,
she never fails to run to safety,
the girls lost and fucked up,
i hate that she feels the need to stay,
i would help her commit suicide,
though her family needs her,
yeah they need her,
she is a slave,
to a world that lacks love for her,
needing is not loving,
and loving is sometimes needing,
figure her out,
before i shut her life off,
it seems she feels to dead to die,
like that even makes sense,
laura please get out of my head,
do not talk to me,
let me find love and happiness,
sadness and pain alone,
your ruining me,
you never help,
your damaging me,
making me ugly,
the maker shall forgive you,
just stop your shit,
if you do not stop soon,
i will never take you back in,
forsaking you,
it hurts,
i want something other than this still coldness,
you keep me backed in a corner,
i am getting so sick inside,
like cancer eating me,
you are my disease,
uncontrolled and bitter,
i hate you and want you gone,
do you not know that's how everyone feels?



~put my heart out there~

i have said so many things,
lied away days and days,
i am always writing words,
to hide from whats underneath,
the real deal me uncensored,
the casualty is me,
i sacrifice myself everyday,
in small ways and in big ways,
instead of allowing my heart to be broken,
i curl up inside,
take back the feeling,
live vacant and surreal,
and i tell you this is shut off time,
time to run and hide,
keep it safe,
keep it real,
no keep it fake,
my love for you on the back burner,
i can not fall,
i am at the bottom,
faulty and corrupted,
my fears are fully fronted,
my desires are not fulfilled,
i do not dream they will be,
it is about time i admit,
that i am to scared of love,
to let it penetrate my heart,
and i crave penetration.
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